First sight….lighting up my way !

women looking at a wave

I was 18 years old when ‘ HIM’ and ‘I’ were acquainted. He was two years older than me, I was a new comer and he was an old-timer. We accidentally met at a school integration party that was held under the ‘white theme ‘. Yes! I remember this day with every single detail, he was wearing a white long sleeve shirt and I was wearing a white dress. There he is, sitting in a table full of newly comers, grabbing his drink, constantly smiling to me… Subsequently, I said to myself this is my chance to make my own circle of friends, so I joined them and I introduced myself…’We’ started talking; we literally talked about everything and nothing… as sooner we developed a mutual link… as sooner my greatest love story began.

My constructive love story seemed to have a  futuristic ending , at least that’s what i thought ….

However, love stories don’t always have a happy ending, but mine was way different from how usually love stories end; mine reached a delusional and erratic conclusion . The guy that cherished my life for 4 years left to another country without any word or explanation. The guy who gave me goosebumps every time I saw his face, disappeared without any trace left behind him. The guy with whom I have shared everything, mostly honesty, ; left without conceding a little regard  to my feelings. Was he immature? Insensitive? Self-centered ?

Indeed,  my heart was shattered. Did I feel rejected? Yes, it is even harder to deal with a breakup without knowing what you did wrong. I literally spent one year of my life wondering about his way of living. I could hardly reminisce about the beautiful moments we spent together, my mind was full of dark memories. It is crazy how much time has took me to get over it, but I had to, i have realized that feeling emotionally hurt is nothing alike people dying and starving outside each day; as matter of fact , that is the real chaos ! I eventually figured out that i had to control what was spiraling my head ,which is to  accept it instead of fixing it. If there’s anything I have learned from this relationship is that i can’t be strong if I don’t allow myself to be weak, which made me realize that life is full of amazing along with deceiving experiences, as well as beautiful and bad souls.  Being emotionally hurt , is a part of what made me stronger  and more willing to accept the person I am becoming.